GUILT...

WHEN I was little, I enjoyed love stories...beautiful fairy tales with charming princes riding stallions. I believed love is for everyone and everyone will fall in love... it is true, I still believe in love. But, the funny thing about this abstract issue is that it takes its own time to make one fall into it. But once you do fall in it, you realize you have fallen in love and believe it or not...it is hard to get back outside. Just last night, my buddy reminded me of the past... interesting it was... and I wish I could go back in time and experience every second of it again...

Look at me now... is this the true me? I still ponder this question in my complicated mind. Yes...complicated...even I do not know the way out of that maze I have come to live with over these years. If only I had stopped to realize the changes that took over me...if only I had stopped to look at the people around me...if only... I might be a complete different person from who I am now.

But I have to admit that love thought me a lot of things. Love thought me to love...not just humans... everyone. Please don’t restrict love in a boundary that you have created just for the sake of an uncertain reason. Love every second of life, every little thought, every little raindrop that falls on your face... time may be too short for us to experience everything that life has to offer, but we can always make use of the time that we now have to experience everything that life has offered to us.

Sitting alone in my room made me think about everything that has happened and is still happening to me. Without me realizing it, I was hugging my pillow and crying...I was missing that one person who is willing to share his love and life with me. Spending time with him was something I really enjoy and appreciate. It makes me think how lucky I am to have him with me. But the other part of me criticized me of the (wrong) decision that I have made on the 18^th year of my life. I could not answer the questions that were shot at me by myself. At the age of 18, am I wise enough to decide on a life partner? Is it necessary when I am still studying? What is my trust on him based on? ... I DO NOT KNOW...

I am blinded by love I guess. But I am certain of one thing; my future. My future is in my hands. I can hold on to it if I want to or just toss it away like some of us, humans do. I am going to hold on to my future, my dreams, and my life. I decide who I am going to be. I don’t want to look back at the melancholic past... yet, it is my source of inspiration. I got myself into love, and I will hold on to it till my last heartbeat.

Thank you God for letting me experience the greatest thing (in my opinion) that life has to offer; LOVE. Thank you for everything You have given me so far.